Picture it – it’s a cold, snowy morning commute. The road is a stream of brake lights as you and your fellow commuters inch along. You relent and call on your friend in waiting, “Hey Google, directions to the office.” Google calculates away and conveys the obvious, “Slower traffic than normal.” REALLY? And I do it – I give it all to Google. For the next 45 minutes I mindlessly do as I’m told – all awhile wondering if this route is any faster but relieved to be moving at least. (Not sure why, but I find a little solace in at least moving.) The silver lining – I saw sites I’d likely never have seen if my normal, highway-based route wasn’t a parking lot. It’s amazing to me the peace I felt in surrendering…surrendering to Google.

It’s amazing to me how such complicated technology is commoditized and taken for granted. How Google knows where you are and where you are going – even in the most remote areas. This amazement lasted until it didn’t. Let me tell you…

So, the question – would you feel Angry, Violated or Meh?  Ok – you may need some context to answer the question, so let’s go back.  Let’s go back.

Monday evening – I leave the office late on a cold, sub-zero January evening with the intent of healthy eating in mind – grilled salmon and asparagus.  I pull into the driveway – leaving room in front of the car to pull the gas grill out.  I click the lighter and no flame – too cold?  Out of butane?  My grilled salmon is out the window.  I angrily pull the grill back into the garage – right in the middle!  Not in its dedicated spot along a very cluttered wall – something that would take a full minute to complete!  I frustratedly close the garage door and go into the kitchen to whip up a quick breakfast-for-dinner dinner (asparagus and avocado scramble – not too back for me, right?…not mentioning the heaping handful of cheese…).

Tuesday morning – 5:15AM – my son is shouting at me, waking me from a deep sleep – “Dad, dad…our cars were broken into overnight.  They rummaged through the glove boxes…papers are strewn all over…”

Which takes us to the original question – if your car was broken into, would you feel Angry, Violated or Meh? 

I am not sure about you, but I battle with When to say yes, How to say no decisions EVERYDAY! Jennifer Rollins, in Psychology Today, says “For many people, it’s difficult to set boundaries or say no to others. This can be especially challenging for those who self-identify as people-pleasers or workaholics.” I hate to admit it, but I identify with both – people-pleaser and workaholic.

In Habit #3, of Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey introduces The Power of Independent Will. Covey says, “It is the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them. It is the ability to act rather than to be acted upon, to proactively carry out the program we have developed…”

He goes on to say that “Empowerment comes from learning how to use this great endowment in the decisions we make every day.” (Bolding is mine)

The Oxford Dictionary defines Empowerment as:

The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.

I like the Oxford definition – but I’d rather define Empowerment by The Patty Rule: I am an adult, and I can make my own decisions.

The questions for YOU – Are you adhering to The Patty Rule? Do you feel empowered, through your independent will, to “act rather than be acted upon”?

Habit #2, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, starts with a thought experiment – imagining that you are at YOUR funeral! There will be 4 speakers – one from your family, a friend, a co-worker, and someone from your church or service organization you are involved with. What would you like each to say about you and your life? What character would they have seen in you? What contributions and achievements do you want them to remember? What difference would you like to have made in their lives? (What would you have done differently? – my addition)

Covey contends that IF we participate seriously in this visualization experiment we will see our “deep, fundamental values.” “Each part of your life…can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a while.

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.”

The question – What do YOU want said at YOUR funeral? HOW do You want to live YOUR life – so that it is real, observed, unquestioned by those around you?

Randy Pausch was a Carnegie Mellon professor who was unfortunately diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and given a ‘months to live’ diagnosis.  He delivered a very famous “Last Lecture” at Carnegie that has been viewed 20+ million times on YouTube.  While facing his own death, the lecture focused on LIVING – HOW to live and achieve your childhood dreams.   

He admitted that dying from cancer was not what he wanted.  He said we need to determine IF we are a “Tigger” or “Eeyore” (from Winnie the Pooh).  He decided he was a Tigger, and he will live with energy and have fun with the precious time he had left.

He encouraged US to think back to our childhood and remember OUR childhood dreams – at a time when life was easy, and everything was possible.  A time of fun and wonder.

He delivered the now famous card-playing piece of advice:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand

So, a few questions to ponder – How are you living your life – are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?   How are you playing the cards you’ve been dealt?   What would YOUR “Last Lecture” Include?

The Legend of Bagger Vance is a golf movie based on the 1995 book The Legend of Bagger Vance: A Novel of Golf and the Game of Life by Steven Pressfield. In the movie, Bagger Vance, played by Will Smith, offers to caddy for the local but lost golf hero Rannulph Junah, played by Matt Damon. Rannulph is “damaged” by war experiences and recedes into a life in the shadows, a life of drinking – recedes into not much of a life at all.

Rannulph is bullied into participating in a local golf exhibition against the 2 top professional golfers at the time – Bobby Jones and Walter Hagen. During the preparation and the matches, Bagger provides a steady stream of sage advice – at the surface addressing Rannulph’s golf game; however, with a little introspection, he hits at the soul of the person.

The caddy/golfer relationships starts with Bagger saying, “I hear you lost your swing. I guess we got to go find it.” He follows it up with this gem (from quotes.net – bolding is from me):

Yep... Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing... Somethin' we was born with... Somethin' that's ours and ours alone... Somethin' that can't be taught to ya or learned... Somethin' that got to be remembered... Over time the world can, rob us of that swing... It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas... Some folk even forget what their swing was like...

My question for you: Are you “living” your one true authentic swing or is it buried among the wouldas and couldas and shouldas?

Let’s set the stage – it’s a cold northern Minnesota November Friday evening. I go out to start the car and nothing – no rrrrnnn rrrrnnn (my attempt to capture the sound of a cold car trying to sluggishly start). Not even a click! Dead battery. My typical reaction – shoulder shrug and a commitment to take care of it TOMORROW. Saturday – after our guests have left, as dusk is setting in – I go out to tackle the car. We try jumping the battery with another car – nothing! Worry and dread set it. At 6PM in darkness, I reluctantly call AAA and was told they would be out in 30 minutes – hopefulness returns. At 11PM, after 5 hours and 3-4 calls to AAA, I cancel the service call and commit to re-starting the process Sunday morning first thing. At 7:30AM I am told the service vehicle would be there at 8:15AM – hopefulness returns, only to be dashed as the service vehicle doesn’t arrive. At 10:30, the tow truck arrives – they survey the situation, take out their 4000 amp jumpstarting gizmo – the car turns over and is running perfectly. The tow truck was there no more than 5 minutes. 5 minutes! For that, I impacted 2 days and had 2 fitful sleeps. Uggh!

Truth-be-told, I am a lifelong procrastinator. I am comfortable twisting Aaron Burr’s sage advice: “Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.” Unfortunately, the procrastination often comes with worry and dread. My mind spinning a simple issue into something catastrophic – like letting the 5-minute jumpstart affect 2 night’s sleep!

David Allen, in Getting Things Done, has offered the best advice for me when faced with procrastination: - the 2-minute rule. “If it takes less than two minutes, then do it now.”

According to Via Institute on Character, Personality is the sum total of our psychological makeup and how we uniquely express ourselves in the world. It is the pattern of emotional qualities, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and habits that make us who we are. But for many of us it can be difficult to describe our own personality.

A personality test can be a useful tool to help you articulate the characteristics about yourself. You might take a personality test when going through a life transition, such as a career change, marriage, divorce, or retirement to gain self-confidence and greater sense of self. Or maybe you are just interested in learning more about what makes you unique and special. Whatever the reason, personality tests can be a fun way to discover the qualities that make you - you!

Many have taken a Rorschach Inkblot or Myers-Brigg personality assessment. How about the 4-animal personality test – Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, or Beaver?

I am adding a new personality assessment “tool” into the fold – the Which Ninja…dude? Assessment. Are you ready?

Emine’ Rushton, in Ayurveda for Modern Life, teaches that we each have a dosha - a basic body type that defines our personality and physical wellbeing, from the foods we crave to those that spark intolerances and increase weight gain. She shows how a body-balancing seasonal lifestyle can help beat stress, lose excess weight, and feel energized and positive every day. She guides your through the process of determining your dosha type and teaches how to eat for your own dosha and make your body feel light, vital, energized and well again.

So, the question – what is your dominant dosha? What is your significant other’s dosha?

Emine’ Rushton, in Ayurveda for Modern Life, captures the essence of my all-too-stressful life:

“…I am often pulled in so many different directions I literally lose my balance. Clumsiness for me is always because of having too little time and not enough care.

It’s a sign to stop…whatever you are doing. Just stop. Breathe in. Breath out. In again. Then - pick up where you left off. Calmer. More carefully.”

When I am stressed, I don’t necessarily exhibit clumsiness like Emine’ but I certainly lose life balance and I lose the ability to perform optimally. The “deep breathing” trick works miracles. Heck, my SmartWatch agrees too – I periodically get prompts to stop and take 5 deep breaths.

The question is – Is there a right or wrong way to breathe?

It’s an age-old tale – the handsome, yet socially awkward guy wants to woo the pretty girl and seeks the advice and wisdom from the older, wiser man. Sound familiar? Now your movie trivia question of the day – can you name the movie? If you said Roxanne you are correct! Chris, the hot young fireman is asking for advice from C.D. (played by Steve Martin), the wise fire chief. C.D. asks Chris, “Do you know the phrase carpe diem?” Chris responds, “It’s, it’s fish, fish bait, right?” C.D. hits him with, “No, it is latin. It means, ‘seize the day.’ There may be no tomorrow, so do it now. Seek life now, while you have the chance.”

A popular slang term from 2012 captures the essence – YOLO – You Only Live Once. Wikipedia defines YOLO as: Along the same lines as the Latin carpe diem ('seize the day'), it is a call to live life to its fullest extent, even embracing behavior which carries inherent risk.

The Cambridge on-line dictionary defines YOLO as an abbreviation for "you only live once": used, especially on social media, to mean that you should do things that are enjoyable or exciting, even if they are silly or slightly dangerous.

So, a couple of questions for you:

1. What does the blog picture have to do with Carpe Diem?

2. Are you embracing Carpe Diem and YOLO? Are you living YOUR life to the fullest extent?

I am from the Minnesota Iron Range, an area rich with iron ore and its black sheep cousin taconite.  You may know a few of the area’s notables: Judy Garland, the Boston Celtic’s “sixth man” Kevin McHale, the 1980 USA Olympic hockey team’s Conehead line, and Bob Zimmerman.   I hear you, “Judy Garland – sure.  Bob Zimmerman – huh?”

In No Direction Home, Bob says that he left home the day after high school graduation – “… I’d gone as far as a could in that particular environment…”  Kind of harsh don’t you think? 

He changed his name to Bob Dylan and the rest is history.  Wikipedia summarizes Bob Dylan as

 Often regarded as one of the greatest songwriters of all time,  Dylan has been a major figure in popular culture for more than 50 years. Much of his most celebrated work dates from the 1960s, when songs such as "Blowin' in the Wind" (1963) and "The Times They Are a-Changin'" (1964) became anthems for the civil rights and anti-war movements. His lyrics during this period incorporated a range of political, social, philosophical, and literary influences, defying pop music conventions and appealing to the burgeoning counterculture.  … In 2016, Dylan was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition"

While I have always enjoyed his music and his performing style, it is his life philosophy that I appreciate the most.

Hey, do you have a few minutes?  Pull up a chair – this is a doozy!

Picture it – I head to the office early to plan my day and commit to thriving, living from the soul, expanding universe and all things Tony Robbins – when my email “pings.”  Its an email from my boss with the reports due today.  My shoulders sag and I let out an audible sign… and then, what is that tinny sound in my right year – “ringa ringa ringa…”    I look around to see if anyone else is hearing this and, duh, I’m working remote – pandemic lockdown don’t you know!

I finish my reports and corresponding coversheets when the text from my regional manager comes in, “why didn’t you xyx that abc last week…”  Ugggh – shoulder shrug – and the tinny sounds is back.  I pulse my “ear closey-thing” (not sure the anatomical name for that part of the ear) thinking I must have water and shampoo in there.  The “ringa ringa ringa…” continues and then followed by a “BOOOOM BOOOM!”  I grab my jar of gummies thinking I must had made a bad purchase but no – they ARE CBD with the approved legal amount of THC.

Picture it – Friday night, heading out of town, dreaming of a mammoth bonfire to address my growing pile of branches and rotting logs.  I stop at the local gas station for a couple of “Shoppers” – the local, printed want ads – a dying entity I know but a great source of “firestarting” paper if you catch my drift.  I toss my bag into the corner of the cabin, grab a couple of beers from the fridge and a box of wooden matches and head out to the waiting brush pile…   

I crumble a few “Shopper” pages into balls, top with small sticks, and layer with the branches – spark the match and a blazing fire ensues…   WRONG!  In my dreams maybe!   The paper blazes and lights a few of the small sticks but ultimately peters out.  I stuff in a few more “Shopper” balls which keeps my hopes alive but not the mammoth bonfire.   After a few unsuccessful attempts and growing frustration, I decide to build the fire the right way.

I angrily push my pile to the side and start again – with the proper foundation this time!  I follow The Essentials of a Wood Fire: Tinder, Kindling, Fuel on premierfirewoodcompany.com and an enjoyable and productive bonfire follows…EVERYTIME!  Fool-proof!  Frustration-less (if that is even a word)! 

The question is – WHY do I do this to myself? Why do a half-hearted effort only to end up frustrated, when I know that success comes from following a proven process and building off of a firm foundation?

Hello

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anyone home?

Can you name the song? Ring a bell? (SPOLER ALERT – I am going to answer, so wait if you are still working on it!)

This the opening lyric to Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb from The Wall album. I was quite fond of The Wall and listened to it continually as a late teenager. If you are a fan of the crackle of vinyl, I have the album for you! I have often described my recent “funk” as being either comfortably or uncomfortably numb depending on the day. Over the course of several years of receding, I found myself numb – with no clear purpose or passion. Can you relate?

Victor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, captured what I was feeling and named it Existential Vacuum. Marshall H. Lewis, PhD, in The Existential Vacuum summarizes it this way (I added the bold):

A lack of recognized meaning and purpose in life is what Frankl calls the existential vacuum, a state he believes is the result of the frustration of the will to meaning.

Frankl describes a person experiencing the existential vacuum as living in a world in which previous traditions and values no longer provide guidance on what to do and a world in which the person may not even know what she wishes to do. A person in this situation may then simply do what others do (conformism) or do what others tell her to do (totalitarianism). Manifestations of the existential vacuum include boredom, apathy, and sometimes noogenic neurosis, a clinical term devised by Frankl to describe psychological symptoms caused by moral and spiritual conflicts.

Picture it - I am on my morning commute, the sun is rising and I am bobbin’ and weavin’ around the slightly downturned car visor to avoid the blinding sun. My highway merges with the major interstate and I have half a mile to navigate two lanes to the left before the merged highway splits off. I signal my turn and look for my opening – but there HE is, hiding in my blindspot. I can just make out the car to my rear left in my rearview mirror and we start the dance. I speed up – he speeds up. I slow down – he slows down. I have a quarter mile remaining to traverse my 2 lanes and I am getting agitated! I push the accelerator to the floor – my undersized 4 cylinder car hiccups than blasts forward – I signal and quickly merge to the left, then left again and I am in the clear. I look behind me, and my dancing partner has also signaled and moved the 2 lanes to the RIGHT – and it hits me! My dancing partner wasn’t messing with me – he wasn’t trying to add stress to my life. HE was JUST dealing with his needs – in this case – his NEED to move 2 lanes to the right in the half mile he had to work with.

“The Dance” brought to mind the second agreement in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t Take Anything Personally.

Do you ever find yourself immobilized in deciding when faced with multiple alternatives? I certainly do and I have found that Occam’s Razor has been helpful.

Merriam-Webster defines Occam’s Razor this way –

a scientific and philosophical rule that entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily which is interpreted as requiring that the simplest of competing theories be preferred to the more complex or that explanations of unknown phenomena be sought first in terms of known quantities

Wow – can you make sense of that? I like this simple definition: the simplest explanation is preferable to one that is more complex. Nice. Now join Occam’s Razor with KISS – Keep it Simple Stupid – and life gets a little less complicated. Reminds me of a scene from Wedding Crashers, where the dad, Secretary Cleary, says to his daughter (in my best Christopher Walken imitation),

“Look... we have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is... use the information at hand to make the best decision possible. It's gonna be fine. Your whole life is gonna be fine.”

The Boys in the Boat, by Daniel James Brown, captures the US rowing teams’ quest for gold during the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin.  Amazon.com captures the tale - It was an unlikely quest from the start. With a team composed of the sons of loggers, shipyard workers, and farmers, the University of Washington’s eight-oar crew team was never expected to defeat the elite teams of the East Coast and Great Britain, yet they did, going on to shock the world by defeating the German team rowing for Adolf Hitler.

A diehard rowing fan characterized this achievement similarly to “The Miracle” when the USA hockey team beat the mighty Russians during the 1980 Olympic Games in Mt. Placid, New York.  I will have to take his word for it.  I can say while I enjoyed learning A LOT about rowing, the impact was in the quotes - some of the quotes in the book have had a lasting impact on my life.