Neighbors laughed and waved as they passed, and Bear would thump his tail in answer, never once leaving his perfect spot. In that little sun-drenched gap, it didn’t matter that the rest of the world was fenced off; for Bear, spring had found a way in, and that was more than enough.

As I near retirement, I am facing the reality of aging and the necessity to pass the torch and the need for a responsible person to take it.  It’s hard on the ego, it’s hard to admit I don’t have the energy and strength I once had, but its also wonderful to know that I will have the time to positively putz, to use my available time and talents to complete the 20% that takes 80% of the time.

On a lot of Utah hillsides, the whole world changes in a few hundred feet: sage and scrub down low, tall pines up high.

My metaphoric question for you: IF you were living on a Utah hillside, would you be a sagebrush, juniper or tall pine?

My question for you – are you affected by aspirational clutter that hinders your ability to make space for realistic goals and self-acceptance while peacefully living? 

Still rooted firm upon its stem,

The rose draws strength to bloom again.

In humble trust, it grows and thrives
By patient hand, it’s kept alive.

For me, recognizing these melancholy tendencies helps shine a light on my destructive habits or find myself caught in turbulent relationships.  Maybe it’s time to put temperament back in the classroom.

So I remain, breathing pine and earth, listening as cold loosens its grip and warmth advances inch by inch. For this brief hour, the day has not yet claimed me—and the morning, springing fresh from the world, asks only that I see it.

“In this brief, luminous moment—a red-shafted northern flicker and a gnarly oak stood together, woven into a cycle of survival, shelter, and transformation. Amid decay and new growth, the flicker found both nourishment and a sense of belonging. The dying oak sheltered and fed the flicker, while the bird’s restless energy reminded the old tree that even in decline, there was still purpose and beauty.

Covey tells of the need to protect both the goose and the outcome, the egg.

“Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard.   Those words are haunting to me and capture, for me, the challenge of living an authentic life – living by principle in the face of chaos, expectation, and expediency.

These journeys, often fraught with danger, highlight the incredible endurance and instincts that animals rely on to survive.  What unthinkable tenacity, perseverance, and guts.  But how?  What guides them?

Many of my “key projects” haven’t advanced during the past six months, they are just bounding along the bottom, so to speak.  Hmmm.  If they are truly key projects – it’s time to re-adjust my rigging and regularly check for progress.  If they are not truly key projects – rather, something that adds funnel girth, its time to adjust their priority and give them their proper due.

While I am not convicted to join in revolution, I am being convicted to find and act on my true life purpose – with passion and conviction. In these lyrics, I “hear” a nugget on life purpose: When the convictions of my soul are in sync with my actions, a new life starts!

We are surrounded every day by the wonders of life.  Wonders beyond comprehension that we simply take for granted.  I decided that day that I would live my life not simply exist. 

In the spirit of “I am A, not longer I was A”, I will boldly go into the “Arena”, buoyed by the words of Walter D. Wintle

Are you able to see the forest for the trees or, like a spindle on a deck railing that blocks the sun’s warming rays, are your focusing on details or issues that prevent you from seeing the bigger cosmic picture?

“Even a soul submerged in sleep is hard at work…”  Heraclitus

Masako Tamaki, in a YouTube TED-Ed talk asks the question, Can you be awake and asleep at the same time?

How does my simple mind fathom the complexity and vastness?  How can I not be humble and grateful to be part of the ineffable Cosmic Dance?

Throughout a fitful, tossing-and-turning night, I ruminated on my Schrodinger’s Chili Dilemma – the dilemma: is my new batch of chili safe to eat OR is it a bacteria-rich food poisoning dish best NOT served hot! For me, a quick trip to the grocery store, some tedious chopping, browning, and simmering was worth avoiding a potential food poisoning episode.

The Khumbu Icefall imagery captures my feelings when I try to “escape” a point of deep melancholy – my state of Ennui. I am drawing on the wisdom of Stutz in Netflix’s Stutz, “if you’re lost, depressed or feeling stuck, it’s important to work on your Life Force first – take care of your body, take care of your people, take care of yourself.  Once you do, figuring out how to move forward becomes much, much easier.”